azab

I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. - Psalm 37:25

The truth of God's protection is that His children are given care and guidance ... even when they may not know it. Many times I've encountered Christians who find out the protection they've been given even when they were not aware of it at the time. the word f"forsaken" in this verse is azab and it has a heavy definition: to be left behind, let alone, neglected, abandoned.

There are times when I felt that God had left me. The time I was called to candidate in San Jose at a church of 600. They called me for an interview, phoned me many times, asked tons of questions...and then changed the rules mid-stream. In a heated deacons' meeting the group argued over the percentage of "yes" votes by which they would take me. Through some last-minute dealings, I lost the calling by a few percentage points. I was devastated.

Yet about three years later I found out that the church had an inner cancer of dispute and arguments. The church and school folded and closed down not even six months after that vote.

If I would have picked up my family and moved across the country, there was a good chance I would have been unemployed within a year.

I see that as a firm yet loving Hand of Care, protecting my family from turmoil. Many is the time when I was given help when I didn't even know it. You probably can remember times inyour life as well.

Such is the way of the Father.

Good things

Psalm 37:4 comes very much into mind in these recent days. We've been preparing for Nicholas' wedding, including the rehearsal dinner we'll have here at the homestead, which adds to the family traditions and history that this home is bringing to our family. Peter will be taking Libby to the prom this Saturday night. Julianne is "working" with me every day for 1/2 hour in my office here at the house (she empties my office trash can and then plays with Hello Kitty on a nearby table), while I work alongside the new and eager ABA teams as well as handle my other writing assignments.

Jill is busy but happy in preparing for the wedding here at the house, and many in our home church are helping us in various ways that make this festive time possible. Our outside gardens are slowly but beautifully blooming. The foxes - all seven of them - roam around the back yard, and Nicholas actually caught one of the babies and petted it quietly before releasing it back to the den. I will get you a picture of it tomorrow.

LIfe is almost unreal because things have been good. Oh, make no mistake, we've got our problems - companies deliquent in paying me and constant home repair are just two - but the family is together and enjoying each other all day long. I have been able to enjoy a true delight in the Lord. The word "desires" in the verse is the Hebrew word mish'alah which also means petitions or requests. It has been my desire ( my prayer, my petition) to be in fulltime writing and have a house to accomodate not only my family but also others who have need as well. Right now we are hosting a young man from Oklahoma. We see God's blessing every day and feel His peace. Isn't He great?

Yes, He is.

Ice Bears game

I've been doing some writing for the local minor league Knoxville Ice Bears, winners of the Presidents Trophy as league champions the last two seasons. Here is Julianne with the mascot, Chilly. Highlight of her evening. Any resemblance between the bear and any member of my family is purely coincidental.

Psalm 143:10

Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.

I've highlighted the words that mean so much to me. God's will is what I want to do. My will is dull and dead-end, because it will only serve to focus attention on me, nad what eternal use is that? I serve God because I love Him...so much so that I call Him my God, and according to the Bible, He enjoys when I make that claim.

Having been a Boy Scout in my early years and a frequent guest to Yosemite National Park in my twenties, I can appreciate the next part: "Lead me on level ground." Just as I enjoy flat, easy-to-walk pathways, I enjoy it when I can get a break from the ups and downs of life and be able to settle into a pattern where I can concentrate on serving God and reaching out to others. There's a peace I get when reading the Bible that nothing else can give me.

"Here She Comes..."

...and here is Julie - at the time she was 3 years old, coming out onto our back deck to show off her finery. I want you to look closely: she is wearing a tiara, a two-piece bikini, a boa, a Hawaiian lei, a purse, and wrapped around her neck like a scarf are Curious George's legs from a long-departed stuffed animal.

She announced that she was a princess.

You know, I promise I'll get back to the Bible study info on this blog, but right now I have to stop laughing. I'm telling you, she is the Human Cartoon.

Breakfast

Here is Julianne at breakfast, obviously stunned at my latest creation: a Mickey Mouse pancake. Those cooks on the Food channel have nothing over on me, baby.

Heroes

I was probably seven or eight years old when Dad had us all stuffed into his old Volvo station wagon and pulled up to a fellow's house just outside of Hershey, Pennsylvania. When Dad came out of the man's house, he threw open the back of the vehicle and slid in two crates.

Those crates were stuffed with comic books.


Yeee hah.





This began my venture into the world of the mortals who could achieve feats only dreamed by the rest of us (and of course, they were dreams - sprung from the imaginations of people like Stan Lee and Bob Kane).
Batman, Superman, Spiderman, the original Iron man (who wore a bulky yellow suit and looked like the Tin Man's evil brother), Plastic Man, Flash, Captain America, Hulk, Sub Mariner (too weird for my taste), Fantastic Four and so many others.

Their exploits were phenomenal. I knew every detail about these heroes of the 60s comic book era. I studied and memorized their powers. We had some old ones, to be sure. In some of our collection, Batman had a gun, Peter Parker kept fighting a schoolboy nemesis named Flash, and Superman spent too much time with some magical goblin named Mr. Mxyzptlk.

I did see a lot of weaknesses in the characters - a necessary part of the story line. Superman had kryptonite. Spiderman had temporary web fluid and teen angst. Hulk would turn back to Bruce Banner occasionally. Batman was, well, a great athlete but could get his comeuppance since he had no superpowers.

The Good News Club I attended taught me about One who had much more than any one of these literary figures. Better yet, Jesus was real. He is real. And He, above all else, is immortal and without a weakness. In fact, He took on the form of a man to accept the weaknesses of the flesh and He still won it all!
That's where my interest changed. This Jesus was the real hero. I wanted to learn more about Him and be like Him.

I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ
and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ–the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death... Phlppns 3:8-10

Resurrection and this day

In my childhood, Easter was a time that my mom would drive us over to my great-grandparents' farm in Tarentum, PA where we six Zockoll kids would run around my Grandpap's (Mike Paholich's) 65 acre farm, looking for Easter baskets filled with chocolate and jelly beans.

Although I enjoyed the excitment of the day, I can honestly say I never really figured out the odd secular celebration. The idea of a rabbit carrying eggs in a basket for everyone in the world was preposterous to me even at five years of age, even while I was hanging on to a belief about the winter-time visits by a guy in a red suit and flying reindeer. I couldn't stand the thought of jellybeans, especially after we spilled a bag of black licorice jellybeans against the heater of the VW bus and endured the smell all the way back to Hershey, PA. Never did like the ham dinner ( I don't like ham anyway) or the full suit and tie I was to wear.

As a junior high kid one rainy Easter weekend at my grandparents, I kept eating hardboiled eggs. Ate 32 of them in two days. Took me over ten years to even look at a hardboiled egg.

But what I did like was a good message on the rising of Jesus. That was, and still is, awesome. Here is hope for the next life and comfort from Someone bigger and much better than me. It's a simple but powerful, universe-altering message.

And here is an important truth from the Scriptures. In John 11 ... Jesus is speaking to Martha who is mourning because of the death of her brother Lazarus...

25) Jesus said to her, I am the Resurrection (Greek: anastasis) and the Life. The one believing toward Me, even if he should die, he will live.
26) And everyone living and believing toward Me should never die. Do you believe this?

Note this: Jesus clearly teaches that He is the Resurrection. The Resurrection is not a happening, it is Himself–the resurrection is Jesus Christ. Bill Klein of "Greek Thoughts (http://www.studylight.org/) states:

"Additionally, after His resurrection, He is known as The Resurrected One. Jesus' pronouncement is the scriptural basis for salvation, empowerment, and hope for everyone who ever believes toward Him."

Other Greek words talk about the event of resurrection, but Jesus Himself is the only One on which this special Greek word (ana = up, esthmai -= to stand) will be used. He is much more than the instrument making resurrection happen. He is the means by which is is possible at all.

He came out of that tomb and set a new course of history for you and me if we just follow Him. Yes, that's what I want to do. Follow Him.

A good/bad day

John 19
"After this, Jesus, knowing that all things had already been accomplished, to fulfill the Scripture, said, "I am thirsty." A jar full of sour wine was standing there; so they put a sponge full of the sour wine upon {a branch} {of} hyssop and brought it up to His mouth... "

This day commemorates the day Jesus went to the cross. I cannot imagine the grief of the disciples. It's hard for me to guess the terror of the bystanders as they saw Jesus bloody, torn, exhausted and yet prodded on to His place of earthly death. This day must have been soul-shattering for some who did not fully understand the Master's plan.

It must've seemed like a lonely day. A lost-in-the-desert day.

This is what it's all about, though, isn't it? This is the Memorial Day Weekend of the grassroots of why we believe and what we exist to do. This is our heart because He is our heart. His willingness to die in such a torturous manner is still astounding to me, and to the unregenerate world it is revolting because they just don't understand.

On this weekend I want to reconnect with the foundational story of Jesus. I don't want the social aspect of it so much (large crowds seem to bother me more and more lately) as I want an intensive, no-holds-barred understanding of the suffering He willingly endured for me, and all of us.

To those who were there and personally witnessed the brutal torture of Jesus, this must have been the end of the world to them. A horrible, terrible day.

But in reality, it was a good day. A very good day.

Because on Sunday...

"Therefore when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, "It is finished!" And He bowed His head and gave up His spirit."

Red Fox

Our subdivision is connected to Fox Road, here on the outskirts of Knoxville. When we first moved into our new home, we were told about the largish hole near the back of the property (our whole property is one foot short of being the exact dimensions of a football field) and how it was the home of a red fox and her kits. We would peer around for the fox to come around, and occasionally saw one darting across the subdivision road or sneaking around in the backyard tree line, but never a close encounter.

Until this past month.

That hole is once again home to a pretty red fox and her three roundish and furry kits. What a sight. Nothing on television or film could replace the real-life entertainment we get every day. We've been keeping a careful eye on them and enjoying the family tussle every afternoon. In the morning I leave an egg at the mouth of their "den", and as I do I have observed tufts of feathers and an occasional large mammal skull in the hole. Mom's been out hunting and doing a good job of feeding her babies.

We also notice that she'll let them wrestle and then get them back inside while she curls up and sits outside for a quiet time.

I guess moms of all kinds need their break from the kids.

Calling Out

Saul answered, "I am greatly distressed...God has departed from me and no longer answers me, either through prophets or by dreams; therefore I have called you, that you may make known to me what I should do."

This passage in 1 Samuel 28 is heart-wrenching, but also instructive. I truly feel a pitiful compassion for Saul (By reading of his symptoms throughout the Biblical narrative, some researchers suggest he may have suffered from a form of depression or even schizophrenia) when he feels like he's at the end of his rope.

I can sit here in my office now and look back somewaht objectively. My hope's been restored and I now wake up in the morning like in the old days - ready to attack and hit the ground running.

It wasn't that way last year.

I think the worst thing I faced was the feeling that God had abandoned me, left me completely on my own and lost any favor with me.

And it was horrifying. Pulling myself together to face another day was a daunting task. Shuffling to work to sit at a desk and peel through work that had no value attached to it was more than I could bear. Enduring a burning back pain around the clock. Being unable to sit through a simple meeting without breaking out in sweat because of the pain. I suffered...and suffered to the extreme. Through all this, Jill was loving and understanding as she allowed me to talk and express my grief.

But even when it seemed God was the farthest away He had ever ben in my life, I still couldn't keep calling out and reaching for Him. And now I know, as brutal as last year was, it was all for my good. I'm seeing that each day now.

I recall having a dinner with an older couple in Hollister, California back in the 80s, and I got to discussing the local church. The husband got up and left the room. His wife leaned over and told me, "He had a bad experience and won't have anything to do with church or God." I asked her what it was about, and she replied, " A dispute with the deacons about church construction."

"How long ago was this?" I asked.

"Oh, about twenty years ago," she replied.

I was stunned. A disagreeable situation that couldn't be resolved, and the man walks away from God? Even now, after all I'd been through - and a lot of the memories still give me the creeps - I just couldn't bring myself to abandon God and go it alone. Father, if I don't have You, what else is there to hope for?

Reliance

Psalm 91:2 - "I will say to the Lord, 'My Refuge and my Fortress, in whom I trust!'"

A thought for the Christian community

I'm in the final stages of cleaning out the old office and moving equipment into the new office in my home. I've received the blessing of the folks in Administration here at my present corporation and on Monday I will begin my career as a fulltime writer.

As I was heading to work this morning, a glaring truth hit me, and it might be something for us as a Christian community to ponder:

Back last year as I was praying and seeking God's will, I applied and queried at numerous Christian institutions from churches to colleges to camps, and numerous times I was told the reason that I was not in the running was because of my age. I'm 49 years old, and the oft-given excuse was that, yes, even though I met the qualifications to serve in their ministry, it was an issue of age. In other words, I was too old to serve in the Christian community.

But then I stepped into the secular world and was immediately embraced for the years of experience I had acquired. I have more work than I've ever had, and I keep getting calls from companies, sports teams and organizations wanting me to write, speak and assist them.

Obviously I know God has His hand on the direction of all of our lives, and of course I am elated at my writing job - in fact my writing involves both Christian and non-Christian work...

...but don't you think the Christian community ought to reflect on this? Not once have I been told in the secular community that my age was a factor. In more than half of the interviews I had with Christian organizations, my experience made no difference. It was because I was old.

I run over three miles a day. I'm still into weightlifting and other sports. I write over 10,000 words a day. I'm in the recording studio, writing two biographies, and traveling to sports arenas as I write columns. I'm not able to keep up?

Could the Christian community be guilty of age discrimination?

Amazed

I am amazed at how fast 4 year old Joulianne is learning to read.

I am amazed that Nicholas and Alexis will be getting married on May 9th. Time seems to be flying!

I am amazed that starting Monday I will be fulfiling my lifelong dream of being a fulltime writer.

I am amazed at how Jill is as pretty as she was the day I married her - after all I've put her through.

I am amazed at how good Peter is in onstage acting. Especially the British accent thing.

I am amazed at how God gave us this house to turn into a home and have so much fun in it.

I am amazed - every time I look in the mirror - at how much uglier I get every day.

I am amazed at how mind-boggling boring Public Radio telethons are. If I had enough money, I'd pay for the whole station just to make all those people quit jabbering.

I am amazed at how God has given us so many generations of kids - who are now adults - that I had the privilege to teach and love and see grow up... who still call or stop by and pay their respects.

I am amazed at how tired I get more and more.

I am amazed at big snowfalls. Blizzards really throw me for a loop, too.

I am amazed at the brilliant apologetic writings of CS Lewis and the heartfelt narrations of Augustine.

I am amazed - and will always be - and the plan of salvation. What God had made possible for me through Jesus Christ just stuns me. And that Jesus was willing to go through His suffering for someone like me... well, it's beyond words.

Blessed {be} the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly {places} in Christ... Ephesians 1:3