Childhood Memory of Death... and Life

I can recall the month of family melancholia whenever my mother found out that her only brother, William Paholich, was dying of a brain tumor. I must have been about 10 at the time.

I had never seen my mother cry so deeply before then, even when my dad left our family.

We were out playing in the fields of my great-grandfather's farmlands in Tarentum, Pennsylvania, when my younger brother Brian came running out of the farmhouse.

"Mom is crying a whole lot and it's about Uncle Willie. She keeps saying 'the poor kid, the poor kid.'"

We ran inside and stood at a distance, watching our mom's deep grief. She'd lost a husband; now she was losing a brother.

I don't have time to go into the weeks of angst my mom endured as she hoped and prayed that Uncle Willie would get better, but one night she received a phone call: he had passed away. The tumor had its victory.

I recall a week later when Mom came and sat with me and told me two things about Uncle Willie that made a deep impression on me.

"Uncle Willie had always been a fireman," she said, "but in his hospital bed he told me, 'Kay, you know I've always wanted to be an artist. Now I get my chance. I believe God will let me be an artist in heaven.'"

And then she talked to me in the most serious conversation we had up to that time. She turned and said, "Last night I had a dream that Willie was in heaven on top of a hill. He was calling out to me:

'Come on up here, Kay. Come on up here' And he was smiling and happy.'"

Mom knew Willie was in Heaven. he was past his pain and suffering.

I began learning of the unknown ways of God here on Earth, but of His eternal love up in Heaven. I began learning that this life is just a brief visit. The real existence begins in the Home that is being prepared for us.

My Memories of Jim Wood

Here I am at graduation ceremonies two years back. It's hard to believe that it was over 30 years ago that I would sit in a little church in Sand Beach PA ( a little burg near Hummelstown - I don't even know if Sand Beach was even considered a town in itself) and hear an evangelist named Jim Woods come and speak the words of the Lord in a distinct Kentucky-cured dialect that stuck with me for weeks on end.

I don't know what ever happened to that preacher who reminded me so much of Abe LIncoln. He had the height, the dark hair, and the gaunt features of Abe. But Mr. Woods could lay out a clear plan of Scriptural truth in a way I loved: unadorned yet loving. Interesting but not fanciful. Thought-provoking but not anecdotal.

I remember making a decision under his preaching. I believe it was for a committed life to serving the Lord with more zeal and purpose... a serious thing for a boy not yet in his teens.

What did I love about his speaking? The bare-faced honesty about it.

During the shock of divorce and the shame that I felt when friends were starting to keep their distance ( a child of divorce was a pretty embarrassing thing in the 60s in the classrooms I attended), it was wonderful to hear and feel the energetic exuberant love of God from a simple backwoods preacher who would stop by on occasion to present God's Word.

I'll always remember the blessing of Jim Woods.

My Childhood View of God

I wrote this first chapter over two years ago and had it packed away in my archives. It will give you the initial view of how I perceived God, due to the surroundings that shaped my perception of Him:

My knees shook.

I was only nine years old. I was frightened and frustrated by the slowly unfolding scene before me. Nine year olds aren’t supposed to deal with this kind of fear. But there I stood, next to my four brothers and one sister, the oldest thirteen and the youngest six. We were all shoulder-to-shoulder in line, a sort of tragic/comedic pose that none of us had planned. We stood in the small kitchen of our rural house in the outskirts of Hershey, Pennsylvania, sharing the same child-like feeling that this shouldn’t be happening.

The six of us were openly crying, sobbing in children sobs, the kind that make little noises with each breath. My mom stood in the doorway of the room, staring across the room at my dad, arms folded and her jaw set.

This is summer time, and summer is supposed to be fun.

Yet there stood my father, hand on the doorknob, wearing sunglasses even though he was inside the house. He wore Bermuda shorts and a short-sleeve shirt and looked for all the world like a man about to pack his kids off for a day at the amusement park.

Except he was going, and we were staying.

“This is it,” my mom said, folding her arms. “Tell them, all six of them. You make your final choice. It’s either your mistress, or it’s your children. Make your choice. But tell it to their faces.”

I looked over for support from my older sister. Her cheeks were red and a tear rolled down the side of her nose. One of my brothers was crying so hard that he was gagging.
My dad looked at us, raised his hand slightly, waved and walked out the door.

There. It was done.

Except for the crying.

The dad that I had known all of my life, the man that brought home candy from business trips, the one who sat in a chair reading the newspaper and chuckling while we colored cartoon faces on his white socks, the father who taught me how to throw a football – that same man had closed the screen door, hopped into his Volvo and had gone to live with another woman. A night club musician, at that. He left my diligent Russian-heritage mom (who knew how to make incredible pierogis and kapusta) for a bespangled xylophone player who didn’t even know how to cook a Thanksgiving turkey, for crying out loud.

As a nine-year old boy who was still learning the nuances of catching a baseball in a leather mitt and of trying to understand the necessity of Sunday School, this was the bulldozer that leveled everything. I didn’t realize it, but my childhood had been largely built around the safety and protection and character of my dad.

And now he was gone.

I sit and type this memory during a break in the classes in a private academy where I teach (the students are taking aptitude tests today, so I have a little bit of time on my hands). I feel a deep grieving within my chest that rises up and pushes tears to my eyes. This is still too fresh for me. I take a break and leave the computer to take a quiet walk down the school hallways to get a coffee and try to compartmentalize this pain, push it back in the proper slots that all adults are supposed to have. I’m a teacher. I’ve been a pastor. I should be over this, right?

This incident was over thirty years ago and yet I still feel as if someone had pushed me down and stepped on my chest with both feet. How could anyone think that this was okay? Who makes the rules? It reminds me of another childhood memory where, as a spectator at a local baseball game, I was hit with a batted ball, a looping shot that smashed into my skull and knocked me from my seat. As I fought the pain in my skull and spit the aluminum taste from my mouth, I noticed groups of teenagers doing a poor job of trying to hide their laughter. What could possibly make them think this was funny, I asked myself in more anguish than the pain brought, why can they not see that I am hurt?

How could anyone think this is okay? Who makes the rules? Why am I such a small player in the scheme of things?

It brought to mind another deeply painful incident. I can’t scour it out of my mind…

I stared in terror. I couldn’t move.

This can’t be happening. This can’t.

This past week hasn’t been real. Perhaps I can re-think this whole week – would that make a difference?

My new stepfather lit a cigarette, glanced at us and jerked his thumb toward the moving truck. “Go. Get in. Now.” He turned his back to us and blew out a puff of smoke.

My mom had re-married. We were to begin life in a new region, at least six hours away in a small community in Maryland. We had hurriedly shoved every possible belonging into the back of a rented moving truck, ending up with an unstable heap of furniture and boxes shoved toward the front of the truck’s enclosed trailer. There was about five feet of open space between the rocking mound of tied-down gear and the back pull-down door.

And that was where we were supposed to go. We stood in and helped one another into the back of the truck, sleeping bags in hand. My oldest brother quietly rolled out each of our bags and instructed us to lie on them. We turned to take one last look at our farmhouse before my stepfather walked in front of our line of vision and pulled the moving truck’s door down. We were in total darkness for the next six hours.

I propped my head on my arm in that thick darkness, staring at the ceiling and hearing the terrifying creaking of the furniture, trying to hold back the panic that rose and puffed behind my ribs. Stuff like this doesn’t happen to children. This isn’t real. I heard the sobbing of my next youngest brother who openly panicked (To this day he still has claustrophobia, not wanting spaces any tighter than a living room.).

At six-fifty this morning I sat at a local coffee shop and drank some dark roast, reflecting on the brutal childhood years of trying to deal with this rejection. I finger a small card that has a Latin phrase I’ve been studying while preparing my doctoral dissertation: Coram Deo: “before the face of God." I suppose I should come up with a pithy saying that tells the reader of this magnificent God who watches over all, but I don’t get that out of this phrase …nope, not at all.
I don’t think of Him as being a God on a tower overlooking the football field of players. I see Him as the personal God who sits and has coffee with me. He wakes me in the morning with a quiet hello when I know He could just as easily send a splitting thunderclap or a jangling emergency.

I never remember my dad coming into my room – day or night – as I lay in bed as a child. I don’t remember him sitting and playing very many games with me. Once, as a ten year old, I sat with him and played a round of Scrabble, beating him on the last word. I could see in his eyes that he was upset. Dad, I want a partner to enjoy, not a competitor. And so went my youth experience, filled with uncomfortable visitation trips and half-hearted holiday presents.
My dad didn’t watch over me in a living-room-and-kitchen kind of way. He made occasional visits in a mall-and-theater-type of way. Some kids would enjoy this. I detested it. But I didn’t detest Dad. I wasn’t mad at him…but I wasn’t happy with him either. He was sort of ... there, and I was sort of ... here, and it was just as much my part to go out to the car and get in for visitation as it was for him to drive down from Pennsylvania to pick me up. He initiated a scene by buying a gift that he assumed I would enjoy, and I finished the act by smiling and promising to play with whatever it was, even though I would probably have no use for the item. That’s the way it was – a balance between parent and child. That was normal, wasn’t it?

Well, that’s the way I saw God, too. He was polite, yet indifferent. That’s okay, I thought. I can work this out as well. God will initiate the scene by showing me a nice time in a large building with well-mannered adults who sang, listened to a long message, and had a nice pot-luck dinner once a month. My job was to sit still, listen to whatever sounded interesting, and make sure I ate enough of the main course so that I was allowed to have a generous hunk of Shoo-Fly Pie.

New Turn

I'm going to take a small change of direction within this blog and tell you about the various events within my childhood, things that helped create the path that would lead to my walk with the Lord. My upbring has been a checkered one: my parents were divorced when I was 10, my mother remarried about a year later, and the family I grew up with totalled 10 children. I was number 4. My siblings were Bruce, Gwen, Brent, Wendy, Brian, Sheila, Brock, Kandy, and Tammi.

The many towns I lived in included Dallastown, PA; Hershey, PA; Irwin, PA; Delmar, DE; Salisbury MD; and Delmar MD (Delmar lies on both sides of the Del/Maryland state line).

I will try to add to this blog throughout the day and share the many childhood and teen-year lessons that God has graciously given me.

I'll also show what it was like to live in one of the biggest families in the state.

Robert Burns and God

Burns:

But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes o' mice an' men
Gang aft a-gley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promised joy.
Still thou art blest,
compared wi' me!
The present only toucheth thee:
But, oh! I backward cast my e'e
On prospects drear!
An' forward , tho' I canna see,
I guess an' fear!

God:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

Mid-week notes

I participated in a book reading at a local Starbucks last night. I was reading excerpts from my upcoming book "Crying Island," and making comments about it. I felt very uncomfortable and probably won't do it again. Problem number 1: The crowd cannot get satisfied because the author is only reading excerpts. The listeners, no matter how they react, do not appear satisfied. The other author and I were not able to complete full chapters, leaving the listeners feeling like they were having the channel turned off in the middle of the program. At least that's the way I felt the audience was taking it.
Problem number 2: The reading took place in a Starbucks, which, as you know, has no private room. Yes, indeed, I was standing behind a podium in the middle of the store, with a line of customers moving past and the schhhhlarkkkkk of the espresso machine drowning out whole paragraphs. Imagine someone slurping into a PA microphone in the middle of a library and you get the idea of the difficulty of concentration.
The invitation gesture was nice and I was asked to participate in the next one later this month at another Starbucks but I won't be attending. It seemed a bit too self-serving.

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Nicholas is back at ETSU and doing well in his new position as a dorm proctor. He is taking classes right now to prepare him for this new position of responsibility. He'll be visiting us back here in Knoxville at the end of this month.

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Jill is designing the interiors of our new home, room by room as the weeks go by. The main room is a stone fireplace room and her thoughts are to make it with a country flair. I enjoy the way she adds the little extras to make this large home feel comfortable. Like the other residents of the Tan Rara subdivision, we enjoy the sound of the nearby railroad as it chugs by. We almost feel like the train is a part of our subdivision's family. One neighbor who is moving away told me that he will honestly miss the sound of that old railroad.

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Our office leadership has invited all of us division heads to participate in a through-the-year Bible reading. Each Monday is our accountability day, and we are marching through the Bibles and reflecting on it at the beginning of the week. One of the department heads has stated that this is a great eye-opener for her. But that's the truth for all of us, isn't it?

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I wonder when we will get snow here? My guess is in late February.

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Great comforting words that only Jesus can give:

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. - John 14:27

Dependence Upon God for the New Year

In light of the new year that is upon us, and bearing in mind that many of us are now trying to map out the things we'll be doing in the coming months, I present to you a magnificent devotional thought by Oswald Chambers:

One of the most difficult questions to answer in Christian work is, "What do you expect to do?" You don’t know what you are going to do. The only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. Continually examine your attitude toward God to see if you are willing to "go out" in every area of your life, trusting in God entirely. It is this attitude that keeps you in constant wonder, because you don’t know what God is going to do next. Each morning as you wake, there is a new opportunity to "go out," building your confidence in God. ". . . do not worry about your life . . . nor about the body . . ." (Luke 12:22). In other words, don’t worry about the things that concerned you before you did "go out."

Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do— He reveals to you who He is. Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you "go out" in complete surrender to Him until you are not surprised one iota by anything He does?

Believe God is always the God you know Him to be when you are nearest to Him. Then think how unnecessary and disrespectful worry is! Let the attitude of your life be a continual willingness to "go out" in dependence upon God, and your life will have a sacred and inexpressible charm about it that is very satisfying to Jesus.

Solitude

We are looking forward to New Year's day at the Zockoll household. Many of my former students from around the region will be coming and stopping by to say hello, sip some coffee and sit by the fireplace and tell me how their lives have progressed since we last met. I've always loved having old friends come by, and tomorrow is going to be an especially happy time for us.
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As I was moving things into our new home, I happened to find a large framed photograph of my old youth group from back in 1992! many of these young people have families, I find myself saying. Bobby, Michael, Laura, Mark (who now works just down the hall from me) Amy, and all the other wonderful teens I knew from years back are now on the wall of my study.
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I was chopping off some branches from the Christmas tree in order to wedge it through the back door, rather than taking it through the double front door and risk all of the needles covering the floor. maybe I should have re-thought my strategy. As I was cuttinng through a branch, the knife slipped and gashed open my left-hand index finger's knuckle... I was bleeding all over the kitchen counter, trying to get the flow to stop. For now I have a beautifully deep red scar running across my finger, but thankfully I did not hit a muscle or nerve. I was truthfully panicked for the first few minutes when I realized I could have messed up my writing/typing ability for good.

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I'll tell you a secret:

I desire so much to seek the Lord in song at our church services, that I often try to find ways to avoid looking around and being distracted. No offense to the choir or songleaders up front, but I want to worship the Lord without being given a pattern of actions or emotions. I used to close my eyes but found that disconcerting for some reason. My secret is that I take off my glasses and sing with eyes wide open. My eyesight is good enough to see the vague outline of the words on the screen but bad enough that I cannot make out the features of anybody more than three feet away from me. In this visual haze i can find quiet rest and solitude to sing and enjoy praise to the Lord.

Matthew 5:44,45

"But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on {the} evil and {the} good, and sends rain on {the} righteous and {the} unrighteous."

But my usual actions are to love those closest to me.

I love those who make me comfortable.

The ones I care for are those who share the same interests ... the same reactions ... the same backgrounds ... the same dislikes ...

But, God, You are asking me to love those who go against everything I am? I am supposed to show a deep care for those who don't talk like me ... who don't like the same things I do ... who may not even love You?

This is a hard thing to grasp.

But I do see how You showed love to those who cursed Your Name, and who enjoyed showing an open mockery to the things that are sacred to You.

It's hard for me to love egomaniacs. Or racists. Or people who refuse to think. Or those who prey on the innocent. Or blasphemers. You know my heart, Lord, and how hard it is.

I will work on this, Lord.

Authenticity

What makes you, as a Christian, different from anybody else?

In this world that sees us and hears us, how are you different from a Mormon, Muslim, Hindu or even atheist?

Is it in title only?

What has established you as a Jesus-follower? How has it changed your behavior?
Can people really be drawn to Christ by observing you?

Is your worship of the Lord genuine...

.... even when nobody else is around?

Praise to God, Who is Worthy

Luk 1:49
For he, the Mighty One, is holy, and he has done great things for me.
Luk 1:50
His mercy goes on from generation to generation, to all who fear him.
Luk 1:51
His mighty arm does tremendous things! How he scatters the proud and haughty ones!
Luk 1:52
He has taken princes from their thrones and exalted the lowly.
Luk 1:53
He has satisfied the hungry with good things

A Brief Update on the Zockoll household

Nicholas is back from ETSU for the next couple of weeks, and Peter has finished his exams at Berean Christian School. We were amazed at his acting ability in the Agatha Christy play And Then There Were None. Jill is still walking about the house, trying to see how we can fill in the 4500 square feet we now own. She is doing an amazing job of decorating. We're going with a Tennessee country lodge look if we can design it right, but it will be a challenge. She's also doing a great job getting us all ready for Christmas. The tree is nine feet tall and covered with lights and garland. The pumpkin and cinnamon candles are giving the house a wonderful aroma. There are white lights along every outdoor gutter that we can manage.

The Lord is so good! We have looked forward to owning a home like this and ministering to people without having to crash into them because our house was too small. Even though we decided to take a year or two to properly prepare the home for this new ministry, we are already having people, young and old, coming to visit. Things are finally slowing down, and litle Julianne is a precious relief after the stress of the day. Our three year old entertains us constantly. Her favorite shows are Blue's Clues, Little Bear and Thomas the Tank Engine. Although we battle a nightly mealtime challenge (Julianne just doesn't want to eat at that particular time) the rest of the evening is spent chasing each other around the house or reading fromn any number of books in her room.

We have enjoyed hearing from friends old and new. We have been in communication with old acquaintances from Hollister CA; Canton OH; Charlotte NC; Pittsburgh PA; Austin TX; Phoenix AZ; Salisbury MD; Colorado Springs CO among other places.

Blessings

The Lord has been opening numerous doors for our family. One is the acquisition of a literary agent from Hartline Agency. The agent is interested in my latest manuscript, Crying Island - a whopping 102,000 words...my most exhausting fiction work since I had to complete my dissertation.

Focus on the Family recently bought my latest novel for their Brio magazine. The novel is called Incident at Jupiter Lighthouse and will be published in May of 2008.

Psalm 37 rings true, that as the Zockoll family been delighting ourselves in the Lord, He has been giving me the desires of my heart ... one of which is to continue to write professionally.

Please take a glimpse at my other novels on bradzockoll.com and please be patient as I continue to build the site.

God's Fatherly Love

I've been thinking about this massive God who touches the tip of the universe and monitors the structure of the molecule; He's so vast as to see all of creation yet so personal as to care about me. It's hard to comprehend until I bring it down to earth a bit more...

I think of my watchcare over my three year old Julianne. I cannot begin to describe my love for her. Every joy she has is a joy replicated with me. When she cries, I am in agony. When she delights, I sit back with a contentment that nothing else can match.

I think of Jesus, God in the flesh, who likens Himself in Luke 13:34 to a hen that willingly gathers her chicks under her wings for warmth, protection and a phyical display of love. The hen will sacrifice herself but she'll use every strength to protect her loved ones.

Jesus proved that on the cross. And the kicker is, He didn't have to.

That's a love that astounds me.

Jer 32:17

"Ah Lord GOD!

behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power
and
stretched out arm,

there is nothing too hard for thee..."

"eucharistia"

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. - Philppns 4:6

Tomorrow's the day! We're gathering at the Ponderosa (the current name for our new home) and celebrating God's goodness. I mean it. Yes, we're going to stuff ourselves with all sorts of turkey, pudding, bread, gravies, and especially mashed potatoes, a personal favorite of mine. (I truly believe that one corner of Heaven will have a factory for making mashed potatoes. I'll bring the butter and seasonings somehow.) But most of all we are going to celebrate God's goodness with a true time of thankfulness.

Look at the word thanksgiving in the verse above. The word is "eucharistia" in the Greek and means the giving of thanks from outside and from within. The heart is involved as well as the hands. Bible scholar David Guzik says: "We really can be anxious for nothing, pray about everything, and be thankful for anything."

So, for what are we thankful? Hey, it's easy for me to thank the Lord for my wonderful family, our new home, good friends and neighbors, and a wonderful city in which we live.

But I also am reminded that it is good for me to thank the Lord for the challenges in life.

When I found out a dear friend had slandered me last month.

When I lost my job years ago, and having to scrape in finding other odd labor.

When we realized that Jill had fibro myalgia, and my thyroid was dropping me into deep periods of depression.

When I was hospitalized.

...and many many other seemingly "disappointments" in life.

Let's face it... I obviously don't see the Big Picture, but I do realize God prepares me for the greater steps in life by training and exercising parts of my life that may hurt.

And for that, I can honestly say "thank you, Lord Jesus."

A Best Friend

"A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity." - Proverbs 17:17

Yesterday as I was about to start the work week, I was approached and hurt deeply by some very sharp words.

You know the feeling.

The bottom fell out on me. I sat at my desk and asked myself "Why? Why were these words used in such a thoughtless way? Why was I the target of such an attack - especially at the beginning of the week?" Great way to start a Monday, let alone the rest of the Thanksgiving week...

I worked through the morning to try to calm my anger and restore peace. I realize that my best way of doing so was to turn to the Savior and have a quiet time. That's what is so fascinating about this Lord - He really does love at all times. In fact, He is ready for the battle.

I'm not saying that all of the frustration went away. But I can say that without my Friend to turn to, it would have been a road that I don't think I could have walked.

Back at UT

It's great being back at the Sunday night Bible study at the University of Tennessee campus. Meeting such great students as Matthew, "Frodo", Amy, and others is a real boost to my spirit each week. We meet in Reese Hall for an in-depth look at world religions, philosophies, theories, and the Bible's answers to their many questions. This is a ministry that I have wanted to do for years, bring to mind the verse in the Psalms: "Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart." (37:4)

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The words of preacher Charles Spurgeon:

In Job's uttermost extremity he cried after the Lord. The longing desire of an afflicted child of God is once more to see his Father's face. His first prayer is not "O that I might be healed of the disease which now festers in every part of my body!" nor even "O that I might see my children restored from the jaws of the grave, and my property once more brought from the hand of the spoiler!" but the first and uppermost cry is, "O that I knew where I might find HIM, who is my God! that I might come even to His seat!" God's children run home when the storm comes on. It is the heaven-born instinct of a gracious soul to seek shelter from all ills beneath the wings of Jehovah. "He that hath made his refuge God," might serve as the title of a true believer...

"O that I knew where I might find Him!" —Job 23:3

Powerful words from a London preacher of years past. Just as Job did, crying not for physical healing but for God's nearness, I want first and foremost of all to see His gentle closeness and mercifuil ways to me whenever the sky grows dark in my life.

The Question of Absolutism

I like this reflection by Matthew Slick of the Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry. He gives a straightforward answer to the challenge of relativism vs. absolutism:

"I was once challenged to prove that there were moral absolutes. I took up the challenge with the following argument. I asked the gentleman whether or not there were logical absolutes. For example, I asked if it was a logical absolute that something could exist and also not exist at the same time. He said, no that it was not possible.

Another example is that something cannot bring itself into existence. To this he agreed that there were indeed logical absolutes. I then asked him to explain how logical absolutes can exist if there is no God. I questioned him further by asking him to tell me how in a purely physical universe logical absolutes, which are by nature conceptual, can exist. I said, they cannot be measured, put in the test tube, weighed, nor captured; yet, they exist. So, I asked him to please tell me how these conceptual absolute truths can exist in a purely physical universe...without a God. He could not answer me.

I then went on to say that these conceptual absolutes logically must exist in the mind of an absolute God because they cannot merely reside in the properties of matter in a purely naturalistic universe. And since the logical absolutes are true everywhere all the time and they are conceptual, it would seem logical that they exist within a transcendent, omnipresent, being. If there is an absolute God with an absolute mind then he is the standard of all things as well as morals. Therefore, there would be moral absolutes.

To this argument the gentleman chuckled, said he had never heard it before, and conceded that it may be possible for moral absolutes to exist."

For more of Mr. Slick's excellent work, see www.carm.org

Great Word to Ponder

I was reading in Mark 6 this morning and found a fascinating word about Jesus. I don't know if there is anywhere else in the Bible that uses this word when it comes to Jesus.

Mark 6:6 - "And He was amazed..."

Now, think about this. What would it take to amaze the Son of God? He's the Author of the Universe, the Creator of all things, the Anointed One ... what would make Him amazed?

"...at their lack of faith."

Now, ponder this: the one thing that could completely amaze Christ is the lack of faith of people in the face of everything that God puts before them! And I see this truth more clearly each day. God has given us so many good things each day - some small, others large - and yet there are people who will explain it away to "luck", "good fortune", "Nature", "the Fates," or some other invention of the mind.

Yes, I suppose that would be enough to amaze Jesus.

CS Lewis' conversion

At one time a hardened atheist, writer C.S. Lewis learned of a benevolent and loving God who cared about him. Lewis was able to overcome his terrible childhood memories and come to Jesus. he said, "In the Trinity Term of 1929 I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed . . . . The hardness of God is kinder than the softness of men, and His compulsion is our liberation."

Then Lewis made a specific step to accept Jesus as the God/man, the Savior. "I was now approaching the source from which those arrows of Joy had been shot at me ever since childhood. . . . No slightest hint was vouchsafed me that there ever had been or ever would be any connection between God and Joy. If anything, it was the reverse. I had hoped that the heart of reality might be of such a kind that we can best symbolize it as a place; instead, I found it to be a Person."

Possible L'Abri?

Here are a few photos of our new home. We move in on Friday! THank you, Lord for this beautiful home. It's 4500 square feet. We'll take time to fix it up and then we will start our student reception ministry as the Lord leads.

Our New Home

I can't even begin to tell you how excited we are about the new home God has given us. For almost 20 years, Jill and I have been praying to have a home that would be large enough to welcome groups, lead Bible studies for young people, and take in a missionary on furlough or an international student needing a place to stay overnight.

God has graciously made it possible for us to purchase a home on the west side of knoxville. This house is 4500 square feet and is everything we have ever dreamed of. True, it will need updating, but it is virtually all cosmetic - the structure is as sound as the day it was built.

I will post some pictures later on this week to let you see it. We are dedicating this home to honor the Lord in all we do.

The Omnipotence Paradox

I was recently asked if God could make a rock he couldn't move. It's a pretty cliche question coming from people who want a quick answer about God but don't want to stop and study the magnificent Lord.

There are some who strike a pose within the intellectual community to attempt a complete summary of the subject. J.L. Cowan wrote "The Paradox of Omnipotence Revisited" and proposed the following:

(1) Either God can create a stone which He cannot lift, or He cannot create a stone which He cannot lift.
(2) If God can create a stone which He cannot lift, then He is not omnipotent (since He cannot lift the stone in question).
(3) If God cannot create a stone which He cannot lift, then He is not omnipotent (since He cannot create the stone in question).
(4) Therefore God is not omnipotent.

Yet Mr. Cowan's assumption is that his proposal is the absolute, with no variance. Thomas Aquinas, however, would question Mr. Cowan's theory based upon the fact that he does not fully grasp what omnipotence truly means.

I like CS Lewis' words, stating that just because a person invents a preposterous statements and tries to affix authority about God to it, it must be true: "not because His power meets an obstacle, but because nonsense remains nonsense even when we talk it about God".

God is not the author of confusion, nor is His might limited to our small fantasies and bauble-type thinking. The God of the Bible is beyond comprehension, giving us but a glimpse of Hios majesty in the Bible.

Since I have never seen the far side of Venus, do I invent questions to doubt its existence? Science cannot explain fully the makings of gravity, and can actually write many journals on the doubts of its existence; does that make it so? I myself could give you hundreds of reasons - very digestible ones at that - on why a Boeing 747 could never lift off the ground. Yet the truth is there.

And so is the Truth, known as God.

Stunning Truth about Ability

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" ( Philippians 4:13 )

I always thought that the Philippians verse referred to the ability to do the great, noble and mighty. I can preach before great crowds; I can understand deep truths in the Koine Greek; I can endure trials and succeed where few have succeeded before...

But the WHOLE truth of this passage hit me this morning.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me..." Not only the high and mighty and heroic, but the humiliating.

Through Christ, I can take correction without losing my temper. Through Christ, I can do the mundane jobs without becoming impatient. Through Christ, I can turn away from the embarrassing sins that pester me and try to bring me down. Through Christ, I can lose my pride and truly serve Him.

This verse explains that I can have the power to be abased as well as be exalted.

Amazing.

Thoughts on the Christian's Joy

From Oswald Chambers:

Joy should not be confused with happiness. In fact, it is an insult to Jesus Christ to use the word happiness in connection with Him. The joy of Jesus was His absolute self-surrender and self-sacrifice to His Father— the joy of doing that which the Father sent Him to do— ". . . who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross . . ." ( Hebrews 12:2 ). "I delight to do Your will, O my God . . ." ( Psalm 40:8 ). Jesus prayed that our joy might continue fulfilling itself until it becomes the same joy as His.

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I had a great time at the Berean Christian School at Camp Ba-Yo-Ca. I spent the last two nights traveling over to Townsend, TN and spent the evenings sharing the Bible with the 100+ students...what a great group. Dr. Core is an amazing administrator.

The Holiness of the Lord

The Heavens are unclean before Him Job 15:15
The Lord speaks in His holiness Psalm 60:6
God sits upon the throne of His holiness Psalm 47:8
Habakkuk 1:12 are you not from everlasting O Lord my God mine Holy one?
Habakkuk 2:20 the Lord is in His holy temple

God’s holiness would not allow a man to touch the ark, specifically against His rules 2 samuel 6

God’s holiness would not allow people to mock the Lord’s Supper and live 1 Cor. 11
God’s holiness would not allow people to lie to the Holy Spirit even in the honorable action of giving money to the Lord, Acts 5

Today's prayer

We do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin —Hebrews 4:15

Heavenly Father,

Please prepare my heart as I minister to the students at Berean Christian School this week. Please also make ready their hearts as we all find Your teaching at the Spiritual retreat.

Please assist Oscar Hyde in his quest to honor You as he makes decisions for college and his career here on Earth.

I pray you would continue to strengthen my wife Jill as she battles fibro myalgia, and continues to be a stellar mother and wife.

Please help me as I face the challenges of the day, knowing that You have also faced these very same roadblocks and trials. I pray that People would see You above all else.

In Jesus' Name I pray,

Amen

Small things

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Praise

Great news has been filling my week!

- my former Christian Academy of Knoxville student, Amanda Brooks, is "breezing through" her college New Testament class. That gives this old teacher a glad heart. The teaching stayed with her! Thanks to the Lord.

- my former Grace Christian Academy student Justin Rhyne is actively telling others about the truth of Christ while a student at the University of Tennessee. His call last night was a great boost to me.

- my former online international student and great friend across the Pond, Oscar Hyde is preparing for college (Princeton? Cambridge?) but let me know that one of his priorities is to stay strong in the Lord by meeting with Christian friends and groups whenever he steps on campus next fall.

3 John 1:4 - I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.

Blocking the Way

". . . the cares of this world, . . . choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful"

( Mark 4:19 ).

The church service was a powerful one. The message included a passage on the Father's sacrifice in order to bring us salvation, and it included the testimony of a man who had also suffered great loss but loved Jesus even more. The message was dynamic.

I was puzzled, therefore, when I saw some young adults totally unmoved by this and even flippant about the message whenever we were leaving the service. Now, I am a person who is wary of those who feel that emotion is a necessary part of a service, but this reaction by these people threw me. They even mentioned non-entities such as the background scenery and the expressions of other people in the audience.

How could someone be in the same service and see something totally different? How could someone be completely unmoved by the power of God's Word?

Then I realized that some of the people within that group were dallying in the world and its pleasures at the expense of seeing Jesus work in their lives. They had let selfishness take over. I had noticed it in their speech and habits throughout the earlier months but didn't realize how deeply that attitude had sunk. It had taken anchor in their soul and was clogging up the passageway to seeing God's teaching and blessing.

". . . the cares of this world, . . . choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful"
( Mark 4:19 ).

As I seek God's leading at this next stage of my life, I have no idea of the direction He will take me. I do know this, though. Even though I am not sure of His nudge just yet, I don't want to be pushing away His hand by distracting myself with other cares.

I don't want to be so fixated on the road surface that I miss the mansion.

Impacting the World

If we are to tell people about Jesus, what do we present to them? Is Jesus to be presented as an example...a teacher....a highly moralistic citizen of His country?

Let's look at it as we ourselves contemplate who this Jesus is. Let's get back to square one in our Christian walk. Lay aside the social aspect of church. Forget the musical interludes. Put aside the liturgical emphasis.

Who is this Jesus?

Let's look at just a few of the truths about the Savior we may have forgotten:

He became one of us, weaknesses and all

Heb. 4:15 "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin."

He endured death and defeated it.

Romans 6:9 - "For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him."

He died so that we could live.

1 John 2:2 - "He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world."

His victory proved that He was and is the Son of God

Romans 1:4 - "and who through the Spirit of holiness was declared with power to be the Son of God by his resurrection from the dead: Jesus Christ our Lord."

One day everyone will recognize His majesty

Philpns 2:10 - "that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth..."

So what is the best way to tell them?

I propose that the best and first way to do this is by telling Jesus "thanks." That's it. "Thanks."

By word and by deed. By thought and by living example.

That's it. Simple.

And yet not so.

Oswald Chambers

Here are profound thoughts from Oswald Chambers from his book My Utmost for His Highest:

When I have sadly misunderstood Him? (see John 20:11-18 ). It is possible to know all about doctrine and still not know Jesus. A person’s soul is in grave danger when the knowledge of doctrine surpasses Jesus, avoiding intimate touch with Him. Why was Mary weeping? Doctrine meant no more to her than the grass under her feet. In fact, any Pharisee could have made a fool of Mary doctrinally, but one thing they could never ridicule was the fact that Jesus had cast seven demons out of her (see Luke 8:2 ); yet His blessings were nothing to her in comparison with knowing Jesus Himself. ". . . she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, and did not know that it was Jesus. . . . Jesus said to her, ’Mary!’ " ( John 20:14, 16 ). Once He called Mary by her name, she immediately knew that she had a personal history with the One who spoke. "She turned and said to Him, ’Rabboni!’ " ( John 20:16 ).

In summary (I speak especially to my students from years past) it is of the greatest importance to remember that mere Biblical memorization does not automatically open the door to a oneness with Jesus. Just as I cannot say that I personally know Babe Ruth or Neil Armstrong just because I have memorized knowledge about them, I cannot honestly say that my intellectual grasp of Jesus is enough. It is the experience of submission, frisndhip and worship that completes the bridgespan.

Persecution

Here is a valuable link to use. Whenever you think that you're having a hard time standing for Christ, go over and read some of the persecutions faced today, in real time stories of suffering by Christians around the world.

Click here:

http://www.persecution.com/

This site is provided by the blessed work of the ministry called Voice of the Martyrs. Reading through some of these stories will change your life, I am sure.

Excitement while waiting

One of the hardest things for me to do is to rest. Standing still or staying in one place just about kills me. This past school year featured a special field day for the senior high, and we teachers were relegated to standing around and applauding the efforts of the various student teams to which we were assigned to oversee. We couldn't do anything but stand around. ARGH. I'm telling you, that had to be one of the longest days of my life. I don't like to stand back and observe; I like to get in the mix, even if I fall.

That's what has been so unusual about this summer. I'm standing still quietly...and I like it. I've been holding still, waiting upon the Lord to see what He has for me. In the last few weeks, the verse calling me to "rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him" ( Psalm 37:7 ) has been especially important. Having no "churchy" activity has made me take my vision and place it more specifically upon things I've not enjoyed so intensely before. For instance, our vacation trip to Disney World was one of the most enjoyable weeks in my memory. I had a great time (despite the shockingly brutal heat and humidity) being with my family in a quiet and conversational way that I'd not experienced during the school year. My devotional life has taken a new turn. My prayer life has also seen new windows open to truths.

Most surprising of all, I have been contacted for some new proposals in publishing ideas. Those of you who are writers understand the shock of publishing firms approaching you. Most of the time, it is the writer running after the publisher with hat in had. This truly is a "God thing."

I encourage you to take time away from summer diversions to stop and "abide under the shadow of the Almighty" ( Psalm 91:1 ). You may, as I have, see some new things occuring that can only be described as God-generated blessings.

I will keep you posted on the blessings that have been coming our way. Please continue to pray for Jill's dealing with fibro myalgia. It is still a great concern to the family.

Thanks for your patience

I have been in a "retreat" mode since school has let out. I have withdrawn from any teaching, preferring to sit in meetings and assemblies and get fed without the feeling of having to stand up and teach a class within the next 24 hours. Don't get me wrong - I do love to teach, especially relaying God's truths, but there comes a time when I need to sit by the wayside and rest. I lvoe the stillness and the solitude.

Lately it's been more important for me to get away for restful times. I've found myself sitting alone and reading a good devotional book or a passage from the Bible, re-reading a particular truth in order to let it sink in.

I am finding these intensely quiet times as important to my life as exercise or fellowship. This has become increasingly important to me. If I am going to know more about my Friend, isn't it right to just sit at His table and let Him talk to me? How can a friendship be based on inattention?

I want to know more about Jesus and what it is like to truly, truly, truly regard Him as the most important One in my life.

The strange case of Craig

As I was running the track this morning I glanced at the school nearby and fell into a flood of memories about my high school years, to one of my wrestling teammates. When I first met Craig, I learned of his reputation as a pushy, mouthy, egocentric guy who liked picking on smaller people around him. Throught he months of the wrestling season, I became casually acquainted with Craig. He didn't bother me much, but I did see how he could get on people's nerves. He carried an air about him that rubbed people the wrong way. He dressed sloppily, never combed his long hair, and he was loud.

The wrestling season ended, and then the months of school flew by toward the summer. Since he was an upper classman, I didn't see much of Craig the rest of that year or in the summer months.

But in the fall as school started, I was surprised by what I saw. In fact, we all were.

Craig came into school wearing a short sleeved white shirt. His hair was cut to crewcut length. He sported a thin black tie. His black pants and shoes were immaculate. And he was quiet, polite, and reserved.

Ah, you think I'm going to say he became a Christian. No, not at all.

Craig had joined a cult. And in watching his change, i learned something about the Christian walk.

Craig avoided groups and kept to himself. He was mannerly, sure, but he and his sister stayed off to one side and carried an otherworldly gaze in their eyes. They finished up school neatly and reservedly, and we never heard from them again.

My point is this: whereas we saw a change in Criag, I don't think any of us really saw something we found attractive. Craig stopped befriending us. He avoided public gatherings and became withdrawn. He gave us no impression that we would want to be like him.

It helped me understand our Christian testimony's impact.

The Question of Compromise

I remember asking a Russian pastor, "What is it like to pastor a church in your country? Is it difficult?" The pastor responded, "No, it's easy because I know where everyone stands. But how can someone pastor a church in America, where compromise is so common and subtle?" Many so-called Christians want the world's acceptance and are therefore unwilling to take a stand for Christ.

The world is clever in its allurements, the flesh is vulnerable to temptation, and the devil is aggressive in his attack. So it's a battle to remain spiritually stable.

- John MacArthur, Seven Steps to Spiritual Stability

Some good sites

Here are a couple of great sites that I think you need to see:

a complete dramatized Audio Bible unabridged in MP3 Format. Listen to the bible anywhere either on your PC or portable MP3 compatable device. www.audio-bibles.co.uk


one of the best Bible resource places I know: http://www.blueletterbible.org/

Genuine Love of Jesus by a Christian

The love which (early Christians) felt towards the Lord was not a quiet emotion
which they hid within themselves in the secret chamber of their souls, and which they only spake of in their private assemblies when they met on the first day of the week, and sang hymns in honour of Christ Jesus the crucified, but it was a passion with them of such a vehement and all-consuming energy, that it was visible in all their actions, spoke in their common talk, and looked out of their eyes even in their commonest glances. Love to Jesus was a flame which fed upon the core and heart of their being; and, therefore, from its own force burned its way into the outer man, and shone there. Zeal for the glory of King Jesus was the seal and mark of all genuine Christians.

- Charles Spurgeon, Morning and Evening

Julianne on the move

Here are a few of the latest pictures of our little one, Julianne. Our 15 year old Peter took these pictures as Jill was traveling around the countryside, getting some chores done.

Revelation: The Truth About a Throne

Revelation 4:2 - "Immediately I was in the Spirit; and behold, a throne was standing in heaven, and One sitting on the throne."

The Greek word "thrao" (to sit) gives us the word "thronos"...a throne. It is designated as more than an ordinary seat. It's the place of authority, of power.

Here, the writer John has been given the ability to see Heaven and he sees the One who sits on that Heavenly throne, with authority over all. The rest of the book shows how the One shows His authority and how He deals with rebellion.

Here's my thought on this passage as I think of the world today:

Atheists say that there is no throne becasue they want no authority over them. Hedonists don't want anyone on the throne to which they must answer. Humanism would not have a problem with a throne, but they woould clearly state that man sits upon it.

As Ecclesistes chapter 3 states, every man has been given the knowledge of eternity in his soul. He thinks of the hereafter and the realm above his earthly life, and so he realizes that there is a throne. Question is, who does he let sit on the throne of his life? He will want someone to sit on that throne.

Maybe it's a political leader. Maybe it's a lifestyle of materialism. Maybe it's a pursuit of knowledge. There is only one that can be on the throne at one time. I have chosen to make it Jesus Christ, God Himself.